VANNNNA

Lawd knows I needed this pick me up from my best friend Jackie. Why did God bless me with you in my life but leave miles for us to be apart?

“I love you. No matter what life throws your way, you’ll rise above it somehow becaues youre mf Vanna majic Win. You don’t bow down to anyone or let anything stop you. Youre a force to be reckon with. And when it’s all said and done, youll look back on this and laugh and be “That’s all you got? come at me bro!” cuz you will conquer all. believe in it and yourself because I do. I truly do”

“When people are angry, bitter and self-absorbed, they cannot be creative and open to new experiences. They are bound by their limited paradigms. They cannot grow to know life to its fullest.”

All this childish animosity is immature. I dont have time for it and frankly its hard to show I dont care but I do.

Things are shitty but I’m getting an outpour of people who are showing their love for me. I guess I’m doing things right to get so much support and love, so I’m okay with that.

I can’t explain the dynamics of my family or the relationship i have with them. The struggles are the only some of the reasons I try to hold on so tight to them. Its the triumphs to get over those struggles makes the bond to my family so important to me. And now, its as if I’m shunned, for being me. Im struggling as a person in this society to contribute what I can do. My mistakes, however, are my mistakes. I only wish my family would support me, comfort me and try to stand by me. I haven’t had any contact or been home in the last 2 months. If I can describe the feeling, I’m sure dying comes real close. I feel like I’m dying. 

Right now, all I need are those who are still with me to stand with me and help me. Its as if I can’t call on anyone right now. They all have their own lives. Everyone deals witht heir own bullshit. Thats how it is around here. Everyone for themselves. You get left behind and no one tries to give you their third hand to pick you up. Instead, what replaces that are the judgmental eyes and the nerve to give advice that doesnt fit. I guess thats why I dont complain, or dwell on my problems with anyone but myself. No one understands it better than me anyhow. So why bother telling anyone anything anymore. I’ve learned to keep so many of my issues to myself, not only issues but feelings, dreams, goals, opinions, all to myself.

What I’ve really come to grasp that in this world is that all I have is myself. 

today, i’ve confirmed I can only live alone. by my own rules. people be messin with my mornings forreal!! #annoyed

eating together, fucking together and falling asleep to each other.